Trusting Birth
10:39 AM Posted In birth , blogs , mothering , pregnancy Edit This 4 Comments »
I have been reading Rixa's blog a lot recently, Stand and Deliver, reflections on pregnancy, birth, and mothering. She has been discussing in many blog posts in great length her decision to have a homebirth with a midwife after having her first child unassisted at home. I am writing this post to say Thank You and Bravo to her for addressing this. She has gotten several comments stating that she was somehow betraying something or not totally trusting birth by allowing a midwife to be present.
I often feel that AP parenting and the world of birth can become a contest. Perhaps I am somehow falling short or not providing the right things for my kids as I cannot cloth diaper, homeschool, cook organic meals from scratch, use all-natural products, co-sleep, and give birth unassisted simutaneously. Therefore, I fail.
I have thought that I might be judged for not "trusting birth" enough to do an unassisted birth. Reading Rixa's blog lately has really helped me find the words that I needed to assure myself that I can trust birth in every way and not be a good candidate for unassisted birth. Therefore, here is my list of why I need my midwife present for my homebirth experience.
#1. Birth is enough work for me for one day. I have absolutely no intention of watching both of my kids, doing the prep work, and doing the clean-up work the same day I give birth. I want someone there to help me fill and empty a pool, throw away garbage, and start a load of laundry. This may seem silly to some, but it is truly important in my life. This may be as close as I get to a spa day, so I plan on enjoying the help.
#2. I do not have a support team that can handle the mess and I do not want them to feel burdened with the what-if's. The person who is most eager to help me when the going gets messy is 12 years old. The rest of my support team wants to either take care of my other children, take photos, or make sure to stay near my head. I remember being too tired to even reach for my baby after my last birth. It was the midwife alone who demonstrated any willingness to stick her hands in the water to swoosh my baby towards me so that I could catch him. My 12 year old is probably the only one besides me willing to touch placenta or the cord.
#3. The one or two people that may or may not be here might have to go to the bathroom occasionally or feed themselves.
#4. I have every intention of laboring alone and/or with one other support person. I have every intention of giving birth on my own. I do not plan on taking any herbs to induce labor. I don't want an amniotomy. I really want to experience the entire process for what it is. To me, I feel that by doing all of these things I am trusting birth and taking responsibility for my body and the process of labor and birth that is best for me. I do not feel that I need to experience an unassisted birth to do this.
#5. To be quite honest, I even considered a birth center for this birth, simply to be further away from my older children and to really ensure that my support system could not get away. I work my butt off in real life every day and birth may be as close as I get to being queen for the day.
I often feel that AP parenting and the world of birth can become a contest. Perhaps I am somehow falling short or not providing the right things for my kids as I cannot cloth diaper, homeschool, cook organic meals from scratch, use all-natural products, co-sleep, and give birth unassisted simutaneously. Therefore, I fail.
I have thought that I might be judged for not "trusting birth" enough to do an unassisted birth. Reading Rixa's blog lately has really helped me find the words that I needed to assure myself that I can trust birth in every way and not be a good candidate for unassisted birth. Therefore, here is my list of why I need my midwife present for my homebirth experience.
#1. Birth is enough work for me for one day. I have absolutely no intention of watching both of my kids, doing the prep work, and doing the clean-up work the same day I give birth. I want someone there to help me fill and empty a pool, throw away garbage, and start a load of laundry. This may seem silly to some, but it is truly important in my life. This may be as close as I get to a spa day, so I plan on enjoying the help.
#2. I do not have a support team that can handle the mess and I do not want them to feel burdened with the what-if's. The person who is most eager to help me when the going gets messy is 12 years old. The rest of my support team wants to either take care of my other children, take photos, or make sure to stay near my head. I remember being too tired to even reach for my baby after my last birth. It was the midwife alone who demonstrated any willingness to stick her hands in the water to swoosh my baby towards me so that I could catch him. My 12 year old is probably the only one besides me willing to touch placenta or the cord.
#3. The one or two people that may or may not be here might have to go to the bathroom occasionally or feed themselves.
#4. I have every intention of laboring alone and/or with one other support person. I have every intention of giving birth on my own. I do not plan on taking any herbs to induce labor. I don't want an amniotomy. I really want to experience the entire process for what it is. To me, I feel that by doing all of these things I am trusting birth and taking responsibility for my body and the process of labor and birth that is best for me. I do not feel that I need to experience an unassisted birth to do this.
#5. To be quite honest, I even considered a birth center for this birth, simply to be further away from my older children and to really ensure that my support system could not get away. I work my butt off in real life every day and birth may be as close as I get to being queen for the day.
4 comments:
Go you! And go Rixa, not that I think she'll read this. ;P
There is nothing at all wrong with wanting trained, professional support with a birth. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with not wanting it, either; it's just a bit hardcore for me. ;)
Naval Gazing Midwife had a great posting about UC a bit back in March too.
Bravo to you! Makes perfect sense to me. I hate the idea of a competition, but I see it too. Attachment parenting = responsive to your child's needs and present for them. Period. If someone chooses to cosleep while EC after whipping up organic food they picked from their own garden in a $200 wrap that they dyed themselves, that's awesome, but it doesn't negate the fabulous AP parenting of others. People miss the chance for connections to others.
I know I drew some raised eyebrows when I stated on MamaRev that I could not imagine giving birth at home. It's just not the space I need. I want to be in a space that is dedicated to birthing and that has been filled with other birthing mamas. I think we will do a birth center next time. Yay you for knowing what you need! Now, what will your poor midwife do if both you and S go at the same time? :)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this! I also had to laugh at the comment about the $200 hand-dyed wrap (probably all organic cotton or hemp too, right?)
Karinda, I wrote a bit about AP today in blog post. You know, parenting is hard enough without having to deal with judgement. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you and make you feel more like a "queen".
Amy
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