MY DAZE

I have been told that I'm under too much stress or that I bite off more than I can chew. I will admit that I tend to have quite a lot on my plate. However, most of it is necessary.
I can't simply quit being a mom.
I also can't do much about being a single mom. I suppose I could take in some unemployed flunkey who can't even use me for sex as the newborn screaming in the background would be too distracting, but now I'm just getting off track.
I can't stop feeding the family.
I can't stop doing laundry or the dishes.
I can't quit my job.
Again, I guess I technically could do any of these things, but really I'm only gonna hurt myself eating off moldy dishes and wearing stank clothes.

To get back to the point at hand, I *do* have a lot on my plate. Yet, I constantly think of ways to put myself down. I always feel like I'm never doing enough. I always see what went undone. Therefore, I decided to take this opportunity to jot down some of my accomplishments today. I am going to write down all that I did do because I am an amazing person and I work my ass off.

*Changed sheets, made bed
*Did 2 loads of laundry
*One load of dishes
*Made Biscuits & Gravy for breakfast
*Made tofurkey sandwiches w/applesauce for lunch
*Made spaghetti for dinner w/ fresh sauteed veggies & garlic bread
*Helped daughter write a letter to her grandma
*Helped daughter find current event article (and had a long talk about vaccines)
*Breastfed 2 children too many times to count
*Sang Happy Birthday & other various lullabies
*Talked to imaginary creatures to please a two year old
*Read an article for my homework & started assignment
*Changed several diapers
*Took a shower (this TOTALLY counts!)
*Picked up balls, stuffed dogs, cleats (straightened up living room)
*Rocked/Held baby a whole lot

This is difficult. I keep looking at the list thinking, is this all?!?! Come on, you can do more! I feel so guilty for lack of client calls & lack of homework done. I think I will add a picture of how cute my kids are, that will surely make me feel better!

As I still do not have a baby to show off all over the internet even though I am 8 days past my estimated due date based on last menstrual period and 4 days past my EDD based on conception date, I decided that I would use up my time showing off new baby toys.

Disclaimer: I was not born a carseat whore. (although sometimes looking back at this life as I am about to have my third child, I often dream of the life where I became a shoe and/or purse whore. Perhaps a MAC make-up whore? That, however, is an entirely different post) As I was saying, not born into the life of carseat snobbery. My first child was born almost 13 years ago and at that point manufacturers were still trying to decide what types of bungy cords would best help the car seat to stay down as it flung wildly around with every corner the car took. By the time my second child was born 10 years later, car seat technology had come a long way. Not near as many pool noodles and bungy cords were required to engineer them into staying within the car in a proper position. Around the time my son was born I also became friends with a carseat technician. This helped improve the carseat positioning even more so. I was feeling so much safer putting my baby in the car.

Then, it happened...
She gave me this for my son when he was able to ride facing forward.
Did you see it? Did you feel it? Did you sense it? RIGHT THEN, when I became a carseat whore? When I fell orgasmicly in love with straps that would never twist? When I knew that pool noodles, towels, and receiving blankets were not necessary equipment that one must purchase separately to make a carseat function? OMG, I am officially a carseat snob! (I won't even get into our interchangeable covers *Zebra!*)

Lesson for the day, if you ever become close friends with a carseat technician, remain friends throughout all of your childbearing years! This is vital. I do not care if she purposely runs over your dog or accidentally falls asleep while watching your toddler. Get a new dog and hire a babysitter. This might sound harsh, but when someone who is this dedicated to safety while riding in the car finds out you are pregnant again and states that they would like to buy you the carseat for the new baby, this is invaluable! A person who says that they can put no price on safety and to please help them choose what style would fit best in your car and which fabric you like is a person who must stay a close friend until you decide to schedule your hysterectomy.

Therefore, without further ado, meet my new carseat. Again, it would be far cooler if I had a baby to decorate it with. Yet, as my first child was born around 43 weeks and my second at 41, I wasn't holding my breath or anything.

To celebrate this joyous occasion I:

Mowed the Lawn
Weeded the Flower Beds
Finished up some Homework/Emails
Washed and Dried 3 Loads of Laundry
Folded the Laundry
Fed Children
Did the Dishes
Vacuumed
Picked up Multiple Toys, Clothes, and Garbage
Bathed a Toddler
Nursed a Toddler

I am going to be grateful for this day as I did not:

Clean up Puke
Change Diapers
Clean up any Potty Accidents
Dole out any Meds
Drive to any Sporting Events
See any Blood
Repair any Furniture, Walls, or Replace any Dishes

Hi mom

i love you a lot because you give me strength to do my best and i like that even if i have hard times at school i still love you
i think you are the best at every thing .

THIS is why you should get THE BEST MOMMY AWARD even if you are having a baby i still love you tomorrow me and you should have a
daughter and mother time

/love you very much

love you daughter kyla mae

I have been reading Rixa's blog a lot recently, Stand and Deliver, reflections on pregnancy, birth, and mothering. She has been discussing in many blog posts in great length her decision to have a homebirth with a midwife after having her first child unassisted at home. I am writing this post to say Thank You and Bravo to her for addressing this. She has gotten several comments stating that she was somehow betraying something or not totally trusting birth by allowing a midwife to be present.
I often feel that AP parenting and the world of birth can become a contest. Perhaps I am somehow falling short or not providing the right things for my kids as I cannot cloth diaper, homeschool, cook organic meals from scratch, use all-natural products, co-sleep, and give birth unassisted simutaneously. Therefore, I fail.
I have thought that I might be judged for not "trusting birth" enough to do an unassisted birth. Reading Rixa's blog lately has really helped me find the words that I needed to assure myself that I can trust birth in every way and not be a good candidate for unassisted birth. Therefore, here is my list of why I need my midwife present for my homebirth experience.

#1. Birth is enough work for me for one day. I have absolutely no intention of watching both of my kids, doing the prep work, and doing the clean-up work the same day I give birth. I want someone there to help me fill and empty a pool, throw away garbage, and start a load of laundry. This may seem silly to some, but it is truly important in my life. This may be as close as I get to a spa day, so I plan on enjoying the help.

#2. I do not have a support team that can handle the mess and I do not want them to feel burdened with the what-if's. The person who is most eager to help me when the going gets messy is 12 years old. The rest of my support team wants to either take care of my other children, take photos, or make sure to stay near my head. I remember being too tired to even reach for my baby after my last birth. It was the midwife alone who demonstrated any willingness to stick her hands in the water to swoosh my baby towards me so that I could catch him. My 12 year old is probably the only one besides me willing to touch placenta or the cord.

#3. The one or two people that may or may not be here might have to go to the bathroom occasionally or feed themselves.

#4. I have every intention of laboring alone and/or with one other support person. I have every intention of giving birth on my own. I do not plan on taking any herbs to induce labor. I don't want an amniotomy. I really want to experience the entire process for what it is. To me, I feel that by doing all of these things I am trusting birth and taking responsibility for my body and the process of labor and birth that is best for me. I do not feel that I need to experience an unassisted birth to do this.

#5. To be quite honest, I even considered a birth center for this birth, simply to be further away from my older children and to really ensure that my support system could not get away. I work my butt off in real life every day and birth may be as close as I get to being queen for the day.

Riok was feeling rather artistic the other day. He got into his sister's desk and talked me into opening up several different colors of paint for him.

After finishing with all of his paintings, he found the playdough. I opened up the containers and set him up at the kitchen table with spatulas, plastic knives, and cookie cutters. However, we did not catch playdough in film, I apologize.

After a fun and creative morning, I felt like a great mom. As I got into the shower, I patted myself on the back for my patience, my flexibility, and an all-around good mommy day. You know what's coming, right? I stepped out of the shower to find a 2 year old boy naked and covered in paint and glitter. It was on his belly, his arms, his hands, his legs, and a few days later I am still scrubbing the purple glitter glue paint out of his hair.
At this point I'm just shaking my head, sighing, and refusing to see anything but the positives. For example, at least the new hair do matched the toe nail polish he picked out the other day.

All of the neighborhood children are equally impressed with the new swingset. This welded together contraption can support full grown adults and all manner of underdogs.



I also plan on getting a hammock swing with a swivel to add to the fun, but until then Riok happily wanders back and forth between the swingset and hammock.

Spring soccer includes A LOT of rain. A LOT!!! I try to be a good mom. I try to be there for all of the games. I am not the parent that drops her child off at the field, considering sports to be code for "Two Hours Free Babysitting."
My daughter had a game today at 10:30 am. It was cold. It was wet. It was raining sideways. I dropped her off at 10:00 to start practicing. I sat in the car with my toddler for half an hour, then got out to watch the game. My darling 2 year old son ran towards the parking lot full of cars 3,000,000,000 times. When I tried to hold him or convince him to stay near in any way he screamed (or is it screeched) at the top of his lungs non-stop. I couldn't decide if trying to keep him from being hit by a car, listening to his piercing screams, or the looks I was getting from other parents was worse. I eventually gave in and went back to wait in the car as I was losing strength and patience to continue holding down a 2 year old.
When the game was over and it was time to actually drive the car, my sweet little pumpkin reminded me how he felt about being strapped down in carseats. By this point I was ready to explain to him how lucky he was to not be one of the many children on leashes. He hit, kicked, bit, and continued the SCREAMING.
Why am I sharing all of this? To illuminate how excited I am for the next one. Can you imagine the fun of this day with a newborn in tow?!?!? I am imagining an exorcist type of look to overcome me. I imagine I will just go through my days with my head spinning and spewing the fluids of insanity.

Is the magical time when I can get out of the bed without dying. I no longer have to lay perfectly still to ward off nausea. I have been terribly ill and basically just laying around and waiting to die. My mind had wondered from cute baby thoughts to Sigourney Weaver's Alien thoughts. I was contemplating how awful it might sound to simply name the baby "parasite". My body was wasting away as all food was gross, all textures were vomitous. It hurt to not eat, yet when I tried eating everything tasted so wrong.
So here's the thing, my two year old has been running the house. It got so bad that there was food ground in to my carpet. Yet, I can clean again!!!! The house is almost back to it's original state.
This morning (my 5th day of being ok) I got up and made french toast for breakfast while simultaneously baking some bread for later. First of all, I was SO proud! I'm not a cook by nature. Second of all, as we sat down to breakfast, my 12 year old declares, "It's so nice to be eating real food again." These poor chilren have been surviving on cold cereal and ramen noodles for the past couple months.
So today I celebrate the fact that I can see the floor again and that we are all able to eat more than dry toast.

I have a two year old and a twelve year old. I often worry that my twelve year old will feel a lack of attention due to the difference of attention that one would show a twelve year old compared to a two year old. I don't oooh and awww over her ability to flush the toilet, for instance.

Yet yesterday morning, I woke up ooooh-ing and awww-ing over my adorable daughter. I am on the edge of a cold and haven't been feeling that great. I was still in bed when she came in to tell me good-bye on her way to school. She then tells me, "By the way mama, I made you some coffee for today." I stumble out within the 1/2 hour, ready for a mess or some really terrible coffee or both. Yet, it was delicious and there was no mess to be found.
Next, I stumbled to my laptop. We had snuggled last night watching old episodes of Bones. I have been exhausted lately and fell asleep halfway through the first episode. Yet, when I opened my screen, we were halfway through the second episode. I had to laugh to myself that my daughter had continued watching TV via the net after I fell asleep, reaching over my sleeping body to click into new screens.

After all, why wouldn't a child want to continue watching a drama based on anthropology late into the night and then wake the following morning to brew the daily coffee?

My daughter's school planned on having a winter concert this year to celebrate the holiday season. It was canceled due to snow, ice, and school being out for an extra week. Both the new music teacher and all of the kids were a little disappointed. However, after the holiday break, they rescheduled.
This was the coolest public school concert I've ever seen. They did not just stand up there and sing. They sang different parts, harmonies. There were solos. There were different sections that did recorders or drums during various songs. There were readings by individuals and groups on different holiday traditions. There was a point when tons of kids paired off for some type of swing dancing to "Boogie Woogie Santa Clause." It was amazing!!
Here is a photo of my baby up on stage...ALL BY HERSELF...reading one of the winter traditions.

I will probably be asleep by midnight. I am spending the evening having many conversations with my toddler and listening to Harry Potter books on CD. He is currently singing me, "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and we recently finished reading 3 or 4 books.
I know it's hard to top this, but how are you celebrating?



By the way, you won't believe how thrilled he is that Mickey, while on his journey through the night kitchen, spends as much time as him naked.

When a toddler goes to the fridge looking for the yummiest thing they can find, what else would they come out with except for pumped mommy milk?!
My baby boy had been visiting his dad the night before, causing his mommy to pump breast milk. I had not been feeling very well and did not have the energy to clean parts, so I just stuck the entire containers in the fridge. Of course, when baby went to raid the fridge, he was pleasantly surprised! He took his milk to the coffee table, so as not to miss a moment of Max & Ruby.









Mmmmmmm, breastmilk, it does a baby good!!!