MY DAZE

I have been told that I'm under too much stress or that I bite off more than I can chew. I will admit that I tend to have quite a lot on my plate. However, most of it is necessary.
I can't simply quit being a mom.
I also can't do much about being a single mom. I suppose I could take in some unemployed flunkey who can't even use me for sex as the newborn screaming in the background would be too distracting, but now I'm just getting off track.
I can't stop feeding the family.
I can't stop doing laundry or the dishes.
I can't quit my job.
Again, I guess I technically could do any of these things, but really I'm only gonna hurt myself eating off moldy dishes and wearing stank clothes.

To get back to the point at hand, I *do* have a lot on my plate. Yet, I constantly think of ways to put myself down. I always feel like I'm never doing enough. I always see what went undone. Therefore, I decided to take this opportunity to jot down some of my accomplishments today. I am going to write down all that I did do because I am an amazing person and I work my ass off.

*Changed sheets, made bed
*Did 2 loads of laundry
*One load of dishes
*Made Biscuits & Gravy for breakfast
*Made tofurkey sandwiches w/applesauce for lunch
*Made spaghetti for dinner w/ fresh sauteed veggies & garlic bread
*Helped daughter write a letter to her grandma
*Helped daughter find current event article (and had a long talk about vaccines)
*Breastfed 2 children too many times to count
*Sang Happy Birthday & other various lullabies
*Talked to imaginary creatures to please a two year old
*Read an article for my homework & started assignment
*Changed several diapers
*Took a shower (this TOTALLY counts!)
*Picked up balls, stuffed dogs, cleats (straightened up living room)
*Rocked/Held baby a whole lot

This is difficult. I keep looking at the list thinking, is this all?!?! Come on, you can do more! I feel so guilty for lack of client calls & lack of homework done. I think I will add a picture of how cute my kids are, that will surely make me feel better!

As I still do not have a baby to show off all over the internet even though I am 8 days past my estimated due date based on last menstrual period and 4 days past my EDD based on conception date, I decided that I would use up my time showing off new baby toys.

Disclaimer: I was not born a carseat whore. (although sometimes looking back at this life as I am about to have my third child, I often dream of the life where I became a shoe and/or purse whore. Perhaps a MAC make-up whore? That, however, is an entirely different post) As I was saying, not born into the life of carseat snobbery. My first child was born almost 13 years ago and at that point manufacturers were still trying to decide what types of bungy cords would best help the car seat to stay down as it flung wildly around with every corner the car took. By the time my second child was born 10 years later, car seat technology had come a long way. Not near as many pool noodles and bungy cords were required to engineer them into staying within the car in a proper position. Around the time my son was born I also became friends with a carseat technician. This helped improve the carseat positioning even more so. I was feeling so much safer putting my baby in the car.

Then, it happened...
She gave me this for my son when he was able to ride facing forward.
Did you see it? Did you feel it? Did you sense it? RIGHT THEN, when I became a carseat whore? When I fell orgasmicly in love with straps that would never twist? When I knew that pool noodles, towels, and receiving blankets were not necessary equipment that one must purchase separately to make a carseat function? OMG, I am officially a carseat snob! (I won't even get into our interchangeable covers *Zebra!*)

Lesson for the day, if you ever become close friends with a carseat technician, remain friends throughout all of your childbearing years! This is vital. I do not care if she purposely runs over your dog or accidentally falls asleep while watching your toddler. Get a new dog and hire a babysitter. This might sound harsh, but when someone who is this dedicated to safety while riding in the car finds out you are pregnant again and states that they would like to buy you the carseat for the new baby, this is invaluable! A person who says that they can put no price on safety and to please help them choose what style would fit best in your car and which fabric you like is a person who must stay a close friend until you decide to schedule your hysterectomy.

Therefore, without further ado, meet my new carseat. Again, it would be far cooler if I had a baby to decorate it with. Yet, as my first child was born around 43 weeks and my second at 41, I wasn't holding my breath or anything.

All of the neighborhood children are equally impressed with the new swingset. This welded together contraption can support full grown adults and all manner of underdogs.



I also plan on getting a hammock swing with a swivel to add to the fun, but until then Riok happily wanders back and forth between the swingset and hammock.

A few moments ago, my daughter came in my room to give me this.

In case the writing on the skirt is hard to read, I took a close-up photo of it too. My heart is melting.

My two year old, upon hearing all of my sighs and cheers about what a wonderful daughter I had and how talented she was, quickly came running into the room with this.

I love these moments. It's times like these that ensures that my dear children do not get thrown out with the weekly trash.

Spring soccer includes A LOT of rain. A LOT!!! I try to be a good mom. I try to be there for all of the games. I am not the parent that drops her child off at the field, considering sports to be code for "Two Hours Free Babysitting."
My daughter had a game today at 10:30 am. It was cold. It was wet. It was raining sideways. I dropped her off at 10:00 to start practicing. I sat in the car with my toddler for half an hour, then got out to watch the game. My darling 2 year old son ran towards the parking lot full of cars 3,000,000,000 times. When I tried to hold him or convince him to stay near in any way he screamed (or is it screeched) at the top of his lungs non-stop. I couldn't decide if trying to keep him from being hit by a car, listening to his piercing screams, or the looks I was getting from other parents was worse. I eventually gave in and went back to wait in the car as I was losing strength and patience to continue holding down a 2 year old.
When the game was over and it was time to actually drive the car, my sweet little pumpkin reminded me how he felt about being strapped down in carseats. By this point I was ready to explain to him how lucky he was to not be one of the many children on leashes. He hit, kicked, bit, and continued the SCREAMING.
Why am I sharing all of this? To illuminate how excited I am for the next one. Can you imagine the fun of this day with a newborn in tow?!?!? I am imagining an exorcist type of look to overcome me. I imagine I will just go through my days with my head spinning and spewing the fluids of insanity.

Is the magical time when I can get out of the bed without dying. I no longer have to lay perfectly still to ward off nausea. I have been terribly ill and basically just laying around and waiting to die. My mind had wondered from cute baby thoughts to Sigourney Weaver's Alien thoughts. I was contemplating how awful it might sound to simply name the baby "parasite". My body was wasting away as all food was gross, all textures were vomitous. It hurt to not eat, yet when I tried eating everything tasted so wrong.
So here's the thing, my two year old has been running the house. It got so bad that there was food ground in to my carpet. Yet, I can clean again!!!! The house is almost back to it's original state.
This morning (my 5th day of being ok) I got up and made french toast for breakfast while simultaneously baking some bread for later. First of all, I was SO proud! I'm not a cook by nature. Second of all, as we sat down to breakfast, my 12 year old declares, "It's so nice to be eating real food again." These poor chilren have been surviving on cold cereal and ramen noodles for the past couple months.
So today I celebrate the fact that I can see the floor again and that we are all able to eat more than dry toast.

I have a two year old and a twelve year old. I often worry that my twelve year old will feel a lack of attention due to the difference of attention that one would show a twelve year old compared to a two year old. I don't oooh and awww over her ability to flush the toilet, for instance.

Yet yesterday morning, I woke up ooooh-ing and awww-ing over my adorable daughter. I am on the edge of a cold and haven't been feeling that great. I was still in bed when she came in to tell me good-bye on her way to school. She then tells me, "By the way mama, I made you some coffee for today." I stumble out within the 1/2 hour, ready for a mess or some really terrible coffee or both. Yet, it was delicious and there was no mess to be found.
Next, I stumbled to my laptop. We had snuggled last night watching old episodes of Bones. I have been exhausted lately and fell asleep halfway through the first episode. Yet, when I opened my screen, we were halfway through the second episode. I had to laugh to myself that my daughter had continued watching TV via the net after I fell asleep, reaching over my sleeping body to click into new screens.

After all, why wouldn't a child want to continue watching a drama based on anthropology late into the night and then wake the following morning to brew the daily coffee?

My daughter's school planned on having a winter concert this year to celebrate the holiday season. It was canceled due to snow, ice, and school being out for an extra week. Both the new music teacher and all of the kids were a little disappointed. However, after the holiday break, they rescheduled.
This was the coolest public school concert I've ever seen. They did not just stand up there and sing. They sang different parts, harmonies. There were solos. There were different sections that did recorders or drums during various songs. There were readings by individuals and groups on different holiday traditions. There was a point when tons of kids paired off for some type of swing dancing to "Boogie Woogie Santa Clause." It was amazing!!
Here is a photo of my baby up on stage...ALL BY HERSELF...reading one of the winter traditions.

I recently wrote a post in which my baby boy chose to publish his first on-line critique of non-dairy products. I wondered if there would be more information and reviews of soy, tofu, and rice products to follow. I did not pressure him as the making of a small, vegetarian food critic takes time.
Yet, in a few short days, I heard the lack of noise in the house once again. It was just too quiet.

I could see the battle raging in his mind..."Hmmm, it appears to be some form of milk unattached to my mother's breast?"

He decides to give it a try...

His decision to get the soy milk out on his own, when there is "bee-boo" milk readily available, is not un-like those first realizing their allergy to cow milk. This is a big, brave step.

Look at him becoming a man, drinking right out of the carton like that!!! AWWWWW!

At one point he decides soy milk is so tasty he cannot ingest it quickly enough!! This is when he takes a momentary break.......and comes back with a straw!! Ah-hah.

the children will....
No, no, no, wait....I meant to say while the single mom goes to try and lay down for one second of peace as she is exhausted from EVERYTHING her house all of a sudden becomes very quiet. Hmmm, perhaps a little too quiet...
Here is the older one hard at work on her homework for the day.

Perplexed by this the mom wanders further through her soundless house.
Note the look in his innocent eyes. Oh, and by the way, no he hasn't grown THAT much, he pulled a chair over to the stove.

Riok turned two on November 4th, but I didn't have my photos ready. Better late than never. Happy Birthday Riok!! I hope you are enjoying your new bike! I love you with my whole heart and although things have been challenging lately, I couldn't do it without you. I love you, baby!

After a busy day of baking, cleaning, chasing a toddler, and begging him to PLEASE take a nap just this once, the pretzels that he threw all over the floor this morning, while laughing at his mother, are still all over the carpet when his sister arrives home from school.

Immediately the older sister starts in, needing help with her homework. "I don't understand division," she wails. Immediately super-mom leaps into action putting her messy carpet to good use. Of course, this was planned all along. There was a reason super-mom did not whip out the vacuum as soon as she saw the pretzels fly.

Again, there will be more and better photos of the soccer season....but, the COUGHING!!!
I am feeling yucky and praying that the tylenol pm will soon kick in.

...on October 30th!!!
Happy Birthday Baby Girl!
Pregnant, a little over 12 years ago....*sigh* (I'm SO old!!!)

Beautiful new baby girl.

Mama loves you, baby

Look how big you are on your first day of school!!

This is one of my favorite all time pics. What a cutie!!

Mommy and Kyla camping.

This is one of Kyla's best friends. They have been together since he was born and he was also here for her 12th birthday party. How awesome is that?! Most of us, as adults, often have a hard time keeping friends for 12 years or more!!

I sewed this BEAUTIFUL creation for Halloween. The fairy wings that went with it are not in this photo, but I worked my butt off on this! I wish I still had the energy and positive thinking for undertakings of this grandeur. I suppose it truly is time to start exercising. *sigh*

Kyla, you truly are a SUPER GIRL!!!

We are a silly family. Thank goodness. I'm not sure I could get through this life sometimes without your laughter. So much of who I am, I owe to you.

You are so strong! You went through several levels of swimming during one season. The older you get, the more I enjoy watching you succeed through physical activity. I am envious of your natural ability at sports. Of course, I'm also a little shamed that you turned a former 'stoner' into a soccer mom.

People say you look like me. Don't worry baby, they're full of crap. You are so much prettier than your mama could ever hope to be. As you're nearing your teens, I am VERY nervous about how absolutely beautiful you are.

The girls on Mother's Day.

See.....SO PRETTY!!!

Kyla with Aunt Chelsey and her brother, Riok.

On Mommy's 30th birthday, just a few months ago...

As Kyla's birthday is so close to Halloween, we often have costume parties...Kyla decided to be a cheerleader for her party this year.

Earrings from Claire's. She also raked in a ton of cool stuff from Hot Topic.

She was equally thrilled and disgusted upon opening her tween gift of sports bras and a shaving kit. Think how shamed she'll be when she reads it online! *gasp*

Happy Birthday Kyla.